Last summer my roommate bought himself a dog: an English mastiff puppy, weighing in at 130 pounds when he first met her. After many bags of dog food and perhaps too many carrots, she’s a bit bigger now, and we’ve learned to live together.
But it’s about time to review the dog. Everyone knows you have to review dogs, as a public courtesy. Sadly my roommate has no plans of doing this, and is actually quite stubborn on the topic. So as a co-inhabitant here, I’ve taken this responsibility upon myself.
Verdict: 3 out of 5 stars. This dog is a little droopy, and depressed all the time. She also doesn’t fetch sticks very well, but your mileage may vary. Would recommend, but make sure your model is house-trained. There are no small accidents with English Mastiffs…
So first off, some quick positives. She likes bones, which is a check in her favor. And she plays nice with other dogs, also a plus.
However she is a little too curious I would say, though I believe that’s only really life-threatening if you’re a cat. And she cannot fetch for the life of her; she just watches me throw the stick, looks at me, and seems to say “Well then I don’t want the stick either.” She doesn’t actually say anything of course.
Oh and she naps all the time. I mean, aaaallll the time. I would be jealous of her, if I wasn’t a responsible adult with blogs to write and groceries to pick up. In this way she’s kind of a bad example to others, if I’m being honest.
And she sheds like a fir tree! After a long day of work I often come home to her making snow angels in her own fur, or jumping into piles of it like leaves in August. She might have a vendetta against the vacuum cleaner, but I’ll need more observation to prove this.
She also has these annoying ways of trying to get your attention, butting into your leg with her nose or staring longingly at you from across the room. Quite bothersome, I must say. But I don’t know how to train her otherwise, so I just pet her and feed her carrots.
But the biggest problem with having an English Mastiff? She’s always so sad! I mean look at her.
It’s like she saw a very sad ghost or something. I mean, you gotta cheer up girl! The world is full of beautiful things, things to outweigh the pains and crises of the human race. You don’t have to worry about those things; all you have to do is bark at cats and run around in yards. We’ll worry about the rest! But it’s no use, she remains absolutely inconsolable.
So all in all I think I would still recommend this experience. One year in, and about the worst she can do is make me cry with her down-trodden jowls. I’ve got much bigger things to worry about, so all in all this dog co-inhabitant heartily approves.
And she is a good dog, isn’t she? What a good dog.
--Jingleheimer-- 